Willfulness Revealed

So last week I got up with one thing on my mind. A strawberry/blueberry smoothie with granola. A very tree hugging breakfast, but a delicious one all the same. I said my morning prayer in a hurry to get out of bed and eat. Quickly I spoke the words " God show me how to serve you and your children today" however I found I got an immediate response. "Fast". Now this is not what a girl who loves to eat ever wants to hear. More than that I was already making breakfast in my head so this challenge stung even more. I started to bargain with God to ease the pain of this request. Maybe I could start after breakfast, or just fast certain foods like desserts. None of this eased the conviction in my heart.

Finally I agreed to fast all food and possibly water till . . . . . . . sundown? NO. There was something too simple about that request. God knew I could last that long, and he did not want the cheap and easy sacrifice. He wanted all of my attention not just a countdown to sundown. I went online and looked up Christian fasting hoping to find an escape or a lighter sentence instead I came across the description of a 3 day absolute fast. No food. No water. Just God. My mind went into a frenzy. "Can people even last that long without water? I work with kids how could I stay energized. What if there is a big event and I don't eat? Won't that be rude?" After arguing and huffing and puffing about how crazy it all was I spoke the words of agreement with myself and sent a text to 3 good supportive friends for accountability sake and for prayer and set out on my psychotic task.

Day 1 was full of anger and bargaining. Every bit of food that passed me was the enemy. I literally had to say out loud to a couple of Starbucks cups " I worship God, not you". I made a playlist full of worship songs and once the anger subsided I began to realize that I lacked a hunger for God. I craved all of this STUFF more than I craved Him. I was beginning to get the picture.

Day 2 was a little better. My cravings had passed but I was definitely hungry. I was beginning to get upset that I thought of food and drink more than God. That without food and drink I felt lost, upset, desperate. But if I went a day or 2 without prayer or a word from God I did just fine. I began to pray for God to change my heart. I did not want to leave this fast the same person.

Day 3 it was very clear that this fast was not about food. God wanted my attention as well as my affection. I was full of affection for Him but I often give my attention to everything else. At about 2pm I felt so weak my knees buckled. I allowed my body to bring me to my knees. I was playing Hillsongs All I Need is You  it contains a lyric you hold the universe. I was confronted with the image of a shining being surrounded by angels who cover their faces at this being beauty and sing and shout out "Holy, holy, holy. Lord God all mighty. Creator of heaven and earth. Creator of the Universe"  Now I don't know if you are like me and obsessed  with the discovery channel but the Universe as far as we know is ever expanding, super complex and super connected. Just go to your local planetarium or google dark matter and then read Genisis 1:1-3 and tell me you are not amazed. So anyway I found myself on my knees (literally floored) in a corner at 2pm on day 3 sobbing at the awesomeness of God. Breathless at the complexity of His simplicity.  After I had seen God in this refreshing way. I got up and heard in my heart. "The fast is over. The message has been received."
Want to know what I said? You are gonna love this one. I said " No I am going to stick it out till day 3 is done" Can you believe I was trying to outlast God?!? I think God gave me the "Oh no you didn't!" face. Upon realizing my mistake I grabbed the closest bit of vegan food a ate.

After all that I realized how selfish I could be when it came to putting my will before everything. I saw how many opportunities for kindness I missed everyday because I was to focused on staying comfy. Now I am not trying to make people feel like they are evil, but maybe even the nicest of us are not as mindful, and willing to give as we could be.

 My lesson has only just begun and though I pray that I don't feel that call for extreme fasting anytime soon, I do pray that I continue to grow in awe of God.

Namaste and God Bless Y'all!

The Gospel of Mumford and Sons

So I just wanted to share some of the things this journey has brought me. In the search for juicy fruit I have found that God happily speaks through anything and anyone. For me it has been Mumford and Sons. They are a band I would suggest to anyone without hesitation. They are not a christian band in anyway. They do use some christian references but funny enough the song I am going to refer to in this post has almost none of those.

Lately I have been asking myself if I really love God or the idea of being randomly and ridiculously blessed.  I remember being 3 or 4 and reading about Jesus and the "SUPER HERO" alarm going off in my head. I loved Him instantly. He was my first crush in a way. I was obsessed with bible stories. As life went on my reading the Bible became less about hearing about my super hero friend, but about what I needed to do to get blessed.  I don't think I fell out of love but after 20 plus years of loving God there are some things that go stale.

Even my quest for the characteristics of the fruits of the spirit was missing a key element. That missing component was a desire to get closer to God through it. I wanted my life and the lives of those around me to benefit from this work. But what about God? I can't imagine forming an entire universe and having that very creation only want more of your stuff and none of you.

This is the point where you get to listen to a song! Aren't you so excited?  I know I am!!!!! As you listen to the amazing sounds of Mumford & Sons also ponder these words from Jeremiah 2. Its a bit long but more than worth the read if you ever wonder how God feels when we become more concerned with what we can get from Him rather than being in love with Him simply because He loves us.

Scripture First:

Jeremiah 2

^1-3 God's Message came to me. It went like this: "Get out in the streets and call to Jerusalem, 
   'God's Message!
I remember your youthful loyalty, 
   our love as newlyweds.
You stayed with me through the wilderness years, 
   stuck with me through all the hard places.
Israel was God's holy choice, 
   the pick of the crop.
Anyone who laid a hand on her 
   would soon wish he hadn't!'" 
         God's Decree.

^4-6Hear God's Message, House of Jacob!
   Yes, you—House of Israel!
God's Message: "What did your ancestors find fault with in me
   that they drifted so far from me,
Took up with Sir Windbag
   and turned into windbags themselves?

   It never occurred to them to say, 'Where's God,
   the God who got us out of Egypt,
Who took care of us through thick and thin, those rough-and-tumble
   wilderness years of parched deserts and death valleys,
A land that no one who enters comes out of,
   a cruel, inhospitable land?'

^7-8"I brought you to a garden land
   where you could eat lush fruit.
But you barged in and polluted my land,
   trashed and defiled my dear land.
The priests never thought to ask, 'Where's God?'
   The religion experts knew nothing of me.
The rulers defied me.
   The prophets preached god Baal
And chased empty god-dreams and silly god-schemes.

^9-11"Because of all this, I'm bringing charges against you"
         —God's Decree—
   "charging you and your children and your grandchildren.
Look around. Have you ever seen anything quite like this?
   Sail to the western islands and look.
Travel to the Kedar wilderness and look.
   Look closely. Has this ever happened before,
That a nation has traded in its gods
   for gods that aren't even close to gods?
But my people have traded my Glory
   for empty god-dreams and silly god-schemes

Now listen to this song of heartbreak and I dare you to tell me that you don't understand where God is coming from. We have all been there, but God has been heartbroken and abandoned a billion times over. Yet God never gives up on us.

Namaste and Love God (with all your heart, mind, and soul) as God loves you!