I have lived on the same block for almost 5 years. In that time my roomies and I all came to know a man we began to refer to a "The Pirate" a free spirited 60 year old Irish man the folks on the block called Danny Boy. He was vibrant and full of life but struggled with substance abuse. Danny Boy was the kind of guy who was always chatting with anyone who would listen. Most of my conversations with him involved his concern for my safety walking home from the subway at night and telling the history of the families and buildings on the block. Danny was not PC and said lots of ridiculous and funny things. Lots of people on the block thought of him as the lovable and somewhat annoying neighborhood veteran.
On the morning of Memorial Day my roomies and I all headed out to the grocery store to stock up on vegan goodies for this BBQ we were going to. The pirate seemed annoyed at our rush and in a teasing voice said "Well hello ladies!" We all quickly said hi and went our merry way. We got home that night at about 10:30pm to find that a few hours earlier the Pirate had been playing with the kids on the block splashing in the fire hydrant, he went to his mother's apartment to change his clothes but she was out and had locked him out, because of his substance abuse I guess this was routine. He went to climb the fire escape to get in to his room and get clothes but because he was wet slipped and fell to the basement level. His story on this earth ends there.
Danny Boy is mourned by all of us on this block. And my lesson, the moment is fleeting. One minute you are here but the next moment provides no guarantees. The goodness in Danny Boys story is that whatever his struggles he must have had a strong heart to give love to everyone and serve people in his own way. Nothing extinguished his love. I can't help but think about what he would have been capable of if he had truly conquered his addictions.
As for those of us who manage to finish this day with breath still in our bodies, how will we treat the moments we have? Even when life is hard can we be faithful? When people are mean can we hold on to our goodness? When all you are used to is the next minute arriving without fail it takes true zealousness for life (not fear of death) to treat each moment as if it were the last note of an epic love song. And remember that by fanning the flame of the gifts of the spirit in us we are silently giving permission to those around us to do the same. That's what Danny Boys life did for me and I am grateful I did not completely miss the moment and I hope to be more and more present in the ones I am given however many that may be.
Namaste and God Bless Y'all.
"I'll let you go . . . but let me tell you something . . ." The Pirate (Danny Boy)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Judgement Day Special
So according to a religious group I won't bother to name today is the end of the world. What am I doing to prepare for this tremendous occasion? My laundry of course (staying faithful to my task). After laundry I tried to rush and get to yoga but realized I only had 5 minutes to get 20 blocks so I came home and felt like sharing some loving thoughts with anyone who reads this.
I look out at all these hate spouting "Christians" and shake my head. I also find more and more people who hate all religion and any one who would be "foolish enough" to believe in an invisible Creator or afterlife. I wonder what satisfaction of fulfillment they could possibly get from determining to claw at others. I am not talking about church going Christians or devout Atheist. I am talking about people who fill their lives with bitterness, fear, and worry and focus on spreading it. Today and everyday let us share love and peace. One thing Jesus said that always gets to me is "I leave you peace, my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives so do not worry (let your hearts be troubled) and do not be afraid" With true love from God inside of me that is the kind of peace I want to share.
I have had a quote on my wall from W.B. Yeats' The Second Coming since I was in college:
The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.
It is so true that the worst kind of people tend to make some of the biggest impacts on the world. Since the day I read that line (actually I think I heard it first) I made up in my mind that I wanted to be the best, and full of passion. I know many good people who have achieved that very goal and so while scam artists and false prophets reach great heights let those of us committed to being the best versions of ourselves and making the world better find an even deeper conviction within ourselves to make our mark on this world undeniable.
Namaste Y'all and God Bless!
I look out at all these hate spouting "Christians" and shake my head. I also find more and more people who hate all religion and any one who would be "foolish enough" to believe in an invisible Creator or afterlife. I wonder what satisfaction of fulfillment they could possibly get from determining to claw at others. I am not talking about church going Christians or devout Atheist. I am talking about people who fill their lives with bitterness, fear, and worry and focus on spreading it. Today and everyday let us share love and peace. One thing Jesus said that always gets to me is "I leave you peace, my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives so do not worry (let your hearts be troubled) and do not be afraid" With true love from God inside of me that is the kind of peace I want to share.
I have had a quote on my wall from W.B. Yeats' The Second Coming since I was in college:
The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.
It is so true that the worst kind of people tend to make some of the biggest impacts on the world. Since the day I read that line (actually I think I heard it first) I made up in my mind that I wanted to be the best, and full of passion. I know many good people who have achieved that very goal and so while scam artists and false prophets reach great heights let those of us committed to being the best versions of ourselves and making the world better find an even deeper conviction within ourselves to make our mark on this world undeniable.
Namaste Y'all and God Bless!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Staying faithful, and staying out past midnight on a friday night.
So this faithfulness work really comes back to bite you in the bootay. So far keeping my room clean has been a slow process. I managed to clean a huge chunk of my room over the past weekend. This week however, I have only managed to keep more mess from building up. I have not cleaned out anymore things. Partially from lack of time but also because it is not habit to "clean as I go" I am a "I'll get to that later" kinda girl. When I was a kid my mother stopped cleaning my room to force me to clean it myself. She figured I would get sick of the mess, clean it and keep it clean. That was not the case. To her disgust I had no problem going to bed under piles of clothes on my bed and letting junk accumulate in the corners of my room and eventually cover the floor. It was only losing homework or some significant disaster that would cause me to half clean my room until it was significantly cleaner than before. Even then it never stayed that way for more than a day or two.
Laziness is my biggest fault in life. That is not easy for me to admit. I work hard at my day job and spend a great deal of time doing good things. But honestly that is because I am accountable to other people. If I let my boss down I don't get paid, if I don't do what I should at church I answer to God, if I don't show up for my friends then I am a sucky friend. But when it comes to stuff that affects me more than anyone else I always get lazy. Now the real work comes from asking myself why I do this. I don't consider myself someone who does not think good things about themselves. I really think I am great but maybe I don't think highly of my ability to evolve. I think some time in my life there were people and circumstances who convinced me that I was not capable of growing, changing and reaping the benefits of that work. I always manage to convince myself that the result of any work for my own sake will only leave me drained. That I will not gain anything from improving things in my life because it will never actually improve my life.
Now I have my theories on the people and places that influenced my way of thinking, but I will name no names. The truth is it's now my responsibility to change the way I think. I am slowly changing the way I talk about my self from things like " I am not a business woman" to " I am really learning and growing as a business woman". I am learning the key is not faithfulness to the task but to myself!
On that note this friday some very talented friends were performing in the city and I went to see them. They started the first set around 11pm and by midnight I was spent!! Anyone who knows me knows my brain shuts down around 11pm when I am out of my apartment. I can stay up all night when I am at home but when I am out it is like torture keeping my eyes open. I was heading out after the 1st set around 12:30am when one of my friends mentioned if I stayed she would pull me up to sing (this would be awesome considering I am trying to book a gig at this place myself) and I should make the sacrifice to stay later. I made excuses at first, and the truth is I hate when people guilt you about what you are not doing. But this time I stayed, and the truth is I blanked on songs that fit into their set. I am used to being rehearsed and was so afraid of getting up there and singing a song I was not too sure of. I told her I couldn't think of anything (not an excuse but the truth) because they had sung most of the songs I really knew in the first set. Sounds a bit like a failure, and maybe in some ways it was but the truth is had I not stayed I would have never discovered some things I need to work on. And like cleaning my room it is not about what I did not do on stage but my faith in myself to be more prepared next time around. It all comes back to love, and my task is to love myself enough to change. Jay Z has a lyric that stabs me a little every time I hear it, "Do you have the power to get out from up under YOU?"
Lesson : Love + Me = Faithfulness
Laziness is my biggest fault in life. That is not easy for me to admit. I work hard at my day job and spend a great deal of time doing good things. But honestly that is because I am accountable to other people. If I let my boss down I don't get paid, if I don't do what I should at church I answer to God, if I don't show up for my friends then I am a sucky friend. But when it comes to stuff that affects me more than anyone else I always get lazy. Now the real work comes from asking myself why I do this. I don't consider myself someone who does not think good things about themselves. I really think I am great but maybe I don't think highly of my ability to evolve. I think some time in my life there were people and circumstances who convinced me that I was not capable of growing, changing and reaping the benefits of that work. I always manage to convince myself that the result of any work for my own sake will only leave me drained. That I will not gain anything from improving things in my life because it will never actually improve my life.
Now I have my theories on the people and places that influenced my way of thinking, but I will name no names. The truth is it's now my responsibility to change the way I think. I am slowly changing the way I talk about my self from things like " I am not a business woman" to " I am really learning and growing as a business woman". I am learning the key is not faithfulness to the task but to myself!
On that note this friday some very talented friends were performing in the city and I went to see them. They started the first set around 11pm and by midnight I was spent!! Anyone who knows me knows my brain shuts down around 11pm when I am out of my apartment. I can stay up all night when I am at home but when I am out it is like torture keeping my eyes open. I was heading out after the 1st set around 12:30am when one of my friends mentioned if I stayed she would pull me up to sing (this would be awesome considering I am trying to book a gig at this place myself) and I should make the sacrifice to stay later. I made excuses at first, and the truth is I hate when people guilt you about what you are not doing. But this time I stayed, and the truth is I blanked on songs that fit into their set. I am used to being rehearsed and was so afraid of getting up there and singing a song I was not too sure of. I told her I couldn't think of anything (not an excuse but the truth) because they had sung most of the songs I really knew in the first set. Sounds a bit like a failure, and maybe in some ways it was but the truth is had I not stayed I would have never discovered some things I need to work on. And like cleaning my room it is not about what I did not do on stage but my faith in myself to be more prepared next time around. It all comes back to love, and my task is to love myself enough to change. Jay Z has a lyric that stabs me a little every time I hear it, "Do you have the power to get out from up under YOU?"
Lesson : Love + Me = Faithfulness
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Wash, rinse, repeat mantra.
So my mantra for daunting tasks has been pushing me to take better care of myself and my home even though sometimes its hard. First step laundry. So I know I should not share this but in the spirit of transparency and refusing to be ashamed of where you are on your journey I will admit, I have not done a real load of laundry in 3 months at least. My room is a giant pile of dirty clothes, unopened mail, and hand washed clothing. In my defense I own a massive amount of shirts so I have just been interchanging them with hand washed bottoms. Were it not for these things I would probably have a serene and peaceful room. So this task I have taken on with a determination to be my own biggest cheerleader and inspiration. I am so determined in fact that I took a load of laundry to work with me because I was running out of time but I was determined to do a load yesterday.
Enter the mantra of this faze of my juicy fruit experiment/experience: "The task is daunting but I am determined!"
Faithfulness is a fruit of the spirit and I believe truly born from a place of love that I must be a faithful steward of the room I have been blessed to have.
I know some people who have cramped rooms or houses full of possessions and often complain about not having enough room. The problem is that this is not the real problem. When they do get more space they fill it up with more stuff and have the same cramped spaces. So in the spirit of being the change you want to see in the world, I am going to create the room I want to have. I love the color of my walls and my furniture is fine. Target purchased but sturdy and fits in well. All I need to do is clear my space and my head of everything that is keeping me from taking care of my space.
I start with action. Cleaning and clearing.
Next I must check in with myself and ask why do I let the physical things in my life get so out of control. The truth is that I over think these tasks. I convince myself that it going to be so tiring that I am exhausted before I begin. That is why I am starting with action. I am challenging my self to make room maintenance a habit, this way I will stop thinking so much. I will make a list of things I must do everyday for the next month and like Nike has encouraged us for years "Just Do It".
I have seen this work. I did a 30 day Bikram Yoga challenge. For those who don't know Bikram Yoga is yoga in a 100 - 115 degree room. It is 90 minutes 26 postures long. In repeating this class for 30 day I found that the class that seemed to take FOREEEEEVEEER, seemed to go by quickly. I ended up going for 51 consecutive days. It did not get easier but I got out of my head and got through it. So here is my new challenge.
1. Make my bed every morning before leaving my home
2. No loose clothing (all clothes put away)
3. File mail the day it is received
4. For every new purchase get rid of something no longer in use
5. Get rid of all clothes I have not worn in the last year
Enter the mantra of this faze of my juicy fruit experiment/experience: "The task is daunting but I am determined!"
Faithfulness is a fruit of the spirit and I believe truly born from a place of love that I must be a faithful steward of the room I have been blessed to have.
I know some people who have cramped rooms or houses full of possessions and often complain about not having enough room. The problem is that this is not the real problem. When they do get more space they fill it up with more stuff and have the same cramped spaces. So in the spirit of being the change you want to see in the world, I am going to create the room I want to have. I love the color of my walls and my furniture is fine. Target purchased but sturdy and fits in well. All I need to do is clear my space and my head of everything that is keeping me from taking care of my space.
I start with action. Cleaning and clearing.
Next I must check in with myself and ask why do I let the physical things in my life get so out of control. The truth is that I over think these tasks. I convince myself that it going to be so tiring that I am exhausted before I begin. That is why I am starting with action. I am challenging my self to make room maintenance a habit, this way I will stop thinking so much. I will make a list of things I must do everyday for the next month and like Nike has encouraged us for years "Just Do It".
I have seen this work. I did a 30 day Bikram Yoga challenge. For those who don't know Bikram Yoga is yoga in a 100 - 115 degree room. It is 90 minutes 26 postures long. In repeating this class for 30 day I found that the class that seemed to take FOREEEEEVEEER, seemed to go by quickly. I ended up going for 51 consecutive days. It did not get easier but I got out of my head and got through it. So here is my new challenge.
1. Make my bed every morning before leaving my home
2. No loose clothing (all clothes put away)
3. File mail the day it is received
4. For every new purchase get rid of something no longer in use
5. Get rid of all clothes I have not worn in the last year
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Singles Ministries and Other Daunting Tasks!
So I am not at all a fan of singles mixers, websites, and particularly singles ministries. My church has recently started one and it was my intention to avoid it at all cost. I avoided the planning meeting, I managed to avoid announcements about meetings and even the people on the planning committee. So imagine my dismay when I was asked by the Pastor's wife to sing at the kick off event.
I wanted to scream, " I am not that desperate for single friends. I do pretty well on my own. I am not really interested in dating any man at this church, they are all much older than me and I have lots of lone ranging to do in my life." But in the spirit of love and faithfulness to being of service to my church I agreed. So how did it go?
Well I was indeed the youngest person in the room. After I sang a good friend of mine sang and shared her story on her singleness, marriage, and pending divorce. (Her story deserves its own post, so more later) I felt like I could stand it a little longer so I stayed and we were split into groups to discuss how to make this ministry real. I was in the Community Service group ( I think God knew that was the only way I could survive the rest of the event) Anyone who knows me knows I believe in service and community. So my group came up with ideas and I realized as long as I avoided the single talk I could actually enjoy myself.
Now I know that a lot of my avoidance of single talk is defensiveness because in the depths of my heart I want to share my life with someone and fear I will never find him. I am a 27 year old vegan yogi christian activist. That is a very specific order and the more I walk with God the more unique I become, also the further away from other christians I feel. But I know that God has someone for me, the same way I know that God has a successful career for me. I just have to make sure I don't play it safe. Taking risks and moving forward in spite of yesterdays nonsense is the only way to get there. I have to be FAITHFUL to this journey I am on.
My mantra: The task is daunting but I am determined!
I wanted to scream, " I am not that desperate for single friends. I do pretty well on my own. I am not really interested in dating any man at this church, they are all much older than me and I have lots of lone ranging to do in my life." But in the spirit of love and faithfulness to being of service to my church I agreed. So how did it go?
Well I was indeed the youngest person in the room. After I sang a good friend of mine sang and shared her story on her singleness, marriage, and pending divorce. (Her story deserves its own post, so more later) I felt like I could stand it a little longer so I stayed and we were split into groups to discuss how to make this ministry real. I was in the Community Service group ( I think God knew that was the only way I could survive the rest of the event) Anyone who knows me knows I believe in service and community. So my group came up with ideas and I realized as long as I avoided the single talk I could actually enjoy myself.
Now I know that a lot of my avoidance of single talk is defensiveness because in the depths of my heart I want to share my life with someone and fear I will never find him. I am a 27 year old vegan yogi christian activist. That is a very specific order and the more I walk with God the more unique I become, also the further away from other christians I feel. But I know that God has someone for me, the same way I know that God has a successful career for me. I just have to make sure I don't play it safe. Taking risks and moving forward in spite of yesterdays nonsense is the only way to get there. I have to be FAITHFUL to this journey I am on.
My mantra: The task is daunting but I am determined!
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